How to rhyme "little fat lady in a brown Kia Soul" with "Pasadena"?

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
03/06/2015 at 17:54 • Filed to: None

On my commute, I often encounter this small, fat lady in a brown Kia Soul who drives far too aggressively for someone piloting a brown Kia Soul. She always tailgates the shit out of people, including myself, then zooms away at 20+ mph over the limit. The other day, I caught this snap of her as she sped by.

Her driving behavior is shocking for two reasons.

1. She's a little fat lady driving a brown Kia Soul.

2. I'm in Wisconsin, and !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , not aggressively aggressive.

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

So now when I'm driving to work in the morning and I see a brown Kia Soul approaching rapidly in my rearview, I just get out of the way, for I do not want to incur the wrath of the Little Fat Lady From Madison Wisconsin Driving a Brown Kia Soul.

Doesn't really have the same ring as "little old lady from Pasadena."

DISCUSSION (16)

Little Black Coupe Turned Silver > Textured Soy Protein
03/06/2015 at 17:59

Really?

... Really?

I don't even know where to start with this, but I'm glad I live on the other side of the state from you.

Textured Soy Protein > Little Black Coupe Turned Silver
03/06/2015 at 18:01

Glad because you're far away from me, or far away from Little Fat Lady From Madison Wisconsin Driving a Brown Kia Soul?

Little Black Coupe Turned Silver > Textured Soy Protein
03/06/2015 at 18:02

You.

Jcarr > Textured Soy Protein
03/06/2015 at 18:02

I drive "through" (151 to 12 to 90 back to 151) Madison on my way to and from Oshkosh each summer. Any chance you encounter this fair maiden on that stretch? I'd love to incur her wrath as a slow-driving Iowan.

Textured Soy Protein > Jcarr
03/06/2015 at 18:05

If you're on 12 heading east at about 9:50 am on a weekday, you just might. Usually she blows by me shortly after I get on 12 east from 151.

Textured Soy Protein > Little Black Coupe Turned Silver
03/06/2015 at 18:08

You're scared of me, when you're the one who wants to put fuscia wheels on a Chevy Sonic ? I'm the one who should be hiding (from you, and LFLFMWDBKS).

Kinja'd!!!

Little Black Coupe Turned Silver > Textured Soy Protein
03/06/2015 at 18:10

Really now? Or maybe I'm just glad to be someplace you're not, since you're clearly unpleasant person to be around.

Textured Soy Protein > Little Black Coupe Turned Silver
03/06/2015 at 18:13

Making fun of a slightly absurd situation makes me a clearly unpleasant person? None of this is meant to be serious.

Mercedes Streeter > Textured Soy Protein
03/06/2015 at 18:15

I often drive 20+ over the limit on the Interstate (but no tailgating, that's no bueno). I drive a smart. No shame...

Textured Soy Protein > Mercedes Streeter
03/06/2015 at 18:18

Many other places I wouldn't hesitate to do that. But the particular highway where this happens tends to be swarming with cops, so I usually stick around 5-7 over. Even at that speed, I'm usually passing the hordes of slow drivers here like they're standing still. Which is what makes this lady so surprising.

Little Black Coupe Turned Silver > Textured Soy Protein
03/06/2015 at 18:20

Would you have made this post if it was your average white dude driving in the same manor?

Textured Soy Protein > Little Black Coupe Turned Silver
03/06/2015 at 18:24

Trust me, I'm the absolute last person to make fun of someone based on race, gender, sexual orientation, or whatever else. I make fun of average white dudes all the time. Fuck, I'm in Wisconsin, surrounded by average white dudes. They're my primary target. If there was an average white dude driving a brown Kia Soul like this, I would find it equally as funny. But this brown Kia Soul was driven by a little fat lady.

Little Black Coupe Turned Silver > Textured Soy Protein
03/06/2015 at 18:29

Ok, to be completely honest, my brain was reading it was "little fat brown lady in a brown..."

That being said, you still must be cooling making fun of fat?

Jcarr > Textured Soy Protein
03/06/2015 at 18:53

I will certainly remember that come August. That's about the time I'm passing through the area.

Textured Soy Protein > Little Black Coupe Turned Silver
03/06/2015 at 18:57

Technically, this was a little fat white lady in a brown Kia Soul. ;)

The only reason I call her a little fat lady is because the Beach Boys song is Little Old Lady from Pasadena (who couldn't be meaner, because she drives fast, and surprises people because she's a little old lady driving fast).

This lady wasn't old, but she was little and fat, which sorta kinda fits with the song title. And sure, part of the reason I chuckle when I see a fast-approaching brown Kia Soul start tailgating me, is because there's a small, round, white lady wearing sunglasses doing the tailgating. Yes I'm aware that aggressive drivers come in all shapes and sizes, but it's just slightly incongruous with who you expect to be driving aggressively. If anything, I'm positively stereotyping small round ladies in that I don't expect them to drive aggressively.

I'm not a bad guy, I promise!

TJG > Textured Soy Protein
02/02/2016 at 21:57

I hate fatobphobes. Go fuck yourself Wisconsin.